I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
