ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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