You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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