Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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