OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
