i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
