Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
