Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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