Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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