More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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