Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
