It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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