she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
