We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dear god my vagina.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
