Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize