lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
