I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
