My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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