Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
