spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
