laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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