the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my shit smells like andre
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
