This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
