How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
