I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
