I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
