Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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