Define "chronic" masturbator.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize