Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
sarcasm needs its own font
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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