you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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