I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
