i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
