I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
