I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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