i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize