so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
