I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
