Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
