Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
