Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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