I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
