Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
