Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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