he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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