Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
