she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize