i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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