I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
