I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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