when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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