Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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