Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
And then he peed in my hair
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