If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
