ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
