Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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