Nicole vs. Life
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
