His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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