i permit you to call me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
