Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
