I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
