Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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