wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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