The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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