Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
