OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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