So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this just has baby written all over it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
