I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
