Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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