You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize