Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
