Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize