sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
