Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
