No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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