Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
