these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize