one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
