i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
