I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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