You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize