mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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