You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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