i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
