The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Panties = found
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
