saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
