I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
