the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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