Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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