arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
