im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
