She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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