no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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