8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
