Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
