So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
