You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
