You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
