grandma shit on top of the toilet
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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