Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize