Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
