too bad you live with your parents still
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
