hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
