i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
