Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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