in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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