Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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