I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
